Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
