She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
