You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
