Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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