One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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