i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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