Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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