shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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