I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
