i already hear my dad disowning me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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