I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
