the condom got lost in my hair
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm at about main and main street
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
