There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
