just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
