Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
