so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
