I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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