I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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