I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
