You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
