Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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