I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
