Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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