hotel room ftw
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
