I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
