im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
