you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
