I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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