i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
