Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
