Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
