You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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