Im at strip club and am horny
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's blow job season.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
