I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
