I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
