Jerry, you need to find god
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this just has baby written all over it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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