Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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