Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
