he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
