I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
