The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
