Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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