Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
