I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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