So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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