Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
