hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize