I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize