Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
