guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
