he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
