Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
