Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
cat food counts as protein by the way
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
