dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
