How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
4 words: hood of his car
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
