just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
