note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
