i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
