We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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