Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
