Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
