Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize