I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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