literally had 100 drinks last night.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
