The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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