Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
