just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
