Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
