ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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