I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
