pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
