Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
